In short
- Feeling two ways about changing a habit like drinking, using or gambling is called ambivalence, and it is completely normal rather than a sign you are failing.
- Waiting until you feel fully ready before seeking help with a habit rarely works, because that feeling of being fully ready rarely arrives.
- Motivational interviewing is a respectful conversation about both sides of a habit, what it gives you and what it costs you, so you can hear your own reasons more clearly.
- You don't need to have hit a bottom or decided to stop before getting help; the goal might be cutting down, stopping or understanding the pattern better.
Part of you wants things to be different. Part of you really doesn’t, or isn’t sure, or is tired of being told what to do. If that sounds familiar, you are not failing at change. You are ambivalent, which is completely normal.
Why ambivalence isn’t a problem to fix first
Many people wait until they feel fully ready before reaching out. The trouble is that “fully ready” rarely arrives. Whatever the habit is, it usually does something for you: it eases stress, fills time, numbs something painful, or gives you a sense of connection. Of course part of you is reluctant to let that go.
How motivational interviewing helps
Motivational interviewing is a respectful conversation about both sides. We look at what the habit gives you and what it costs you, without lectures and without pretending the answer is obvious. People tend to argue against whatever they’re pushed towards, so I won’t push. The aim is for you to hear your own reasons more clearly.
“You don’t need to have hit a bottom, and you don’t need to have decided to stop.”
From there, practical steps
Once there is some clarity about what you want, CBT helps us understand triggers and build something more sustainable. That might mean cutting down, stopping, or simply understanding the pattern better. It’s your call.
If you’re unsure
You can come to an intro call while still unsure. That uncertainty is a perfectly good place to start.
Common questions
Do I need to want to quit before going to therapy?
No. You don't need to have decided to stop. You can come to an intro call while still unsure, and that uncertainty is a perfectly good place to start.
Why do I keep going back to a habit I want to stop?
Whatever the habit is, it usually does something for you: it eases stress, fills time, numbs something painful or gives you a sense of connection. It makes sense that part of you is reluctant to let that go.
Will a therapist push me to stop drinking or gambling?
Not in motivational interviewing. People tend to argue against whatever they're pushed towards, so the approach avoids lectures and pushing. Once you are clearer about what you want, CBT can help with triggers and practical steps.
This article is general information, not a substitute for therapy or medical advice. If you are in crisis, call 999 or the Samaritans on 116 123.
